Oceans 11 (1960)

"That Big One!"

Directed by: Lewis Milestone
Written by: George Clayton Johnson, Jack Golden Russell, Harry Brown, Charles Lederer, and Billy Wilder
Starring: Frank Sinatra as Danny Ocean, Dean Martin as Sam Harmon, Sammy Davis Jr. as Josh Howard, Peter Lawford as Jimmy Foster, Richard Conte as Tony Bergdorf, and Cesar Romero as Duke Santos
Music by: Nelson Riddle

This movie was recently remade by Steven Soderbergh and the newer version has now become a hit spawning two sequels, Oceans 12 and Oceans 13 (due out this year). All I can say is this: Thank God for remakes.

The original version begins with a similar premise as the remake (this is kind of odd using the remake as the standard, but you'll understand why) - a group of old friends decide to get together and rob some casinos. The ringleader, Danny Ocean, is trying to win his wife back in the process, and one of the team's members has just been released from jail. However, this is where the similarities end.

Danny is just a layabout playboy who loves the thrill of breaking the law, and he and his friends from the 82nd Airborne in WWII meet up again 15 years later. Danny has been given plans to rob not one casino, but five - on New Year's. The plan is flawless and all of the 11 men are eager to take their cut. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned. One of the team members dies during the heist, and another member's new stepfather - who happens to be a mob boss - finds out who stole the money and tries to blackmail them. This forces the 10 to scramble and find another way to get the money out of Las Vegas and into their own pockets.

All of this might have made for a spectacular movie - except the end just falls flat on its face. The plot builds and builds and then suddenly ends without resolution. Which always makes me upset.

One thing I did enjoy about this movie was the music and visual editing. Of course, with the Rat Pack starring in it, there's bound to be some great music; and several of them find a way to showcase their pipes. The scenes with repetitive actions, such as the tagging of the security or breaker boxes, and the countdowns till midnight, or the heist itself, are done very creatively. And the cameos by Shirley MacLaine and Red Skelton are very funny.

Overall - I'd give this movie one robbed casino out of five possible robbed casinos (1/5)- because it just was a sorry excuse for the Rat Pack to get some more screen time.

King Kong (1933)

It is hard to imagine a film industry without "King Kong." It's influence and impact is incalcuable; it's mark on society larger than the title character itself. It's left a legacy that continues to this day, over seventy years later. Ask any child (or adult) who King Kong is, and they're nearly sure to know, even if they haven't seen the film. "King Kong" is unique in the fact that it's popularity is matched by both critical acclaim and artistic integrity. It has firmly cemented itself as a cinematic masterpiece. But how does it hold up, all these years later?

King Kong (1933)
Directed by: Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack
Written by: Merian C. Cooper, Edgar Wallace, James Ashmore Creelman, and Ruth Rose
Starring: Fay Wray as Ann Darrow, Robert Armstrong as Carl Denham, and Bruce Cabot as John 'Jack' Driscoll
Music Composed by: Max Steiner

The film opens in New York, in the midst of the depression. Carl Denhem, a film director, is desperate to find a leading lady for his new motion picture. However, no sensible actress dares to sign up: Denham is a known mavrick filmmaker, and his current film is to be shot after a long boat voyage to a destination unkown. Denhem is a strong, insistent man. He knows what he wants, and he's not willing to comprimise. When his casting agent informs him that there's simply no one willing to take the job, he simply goes to the streets to find his next star.

And, as everyone knows, he finds Ann Darrow. It isn't too difficult to convince to her to sign on - after all, she has nothing to lose. As soon as she's assured that this is entirely legit, she becomes enamored with (and at the same time, a little shy at) the prospect of being a star. They set sail the very next morning, aboard the freighter "Venture."

It is very quickly made known that the all male crew of the "Venture" are not exactly comfortable with a woman being on board. First mate Jack Driscoll complains that Ann is constantly getting in the way - a statement that isn't exactly true. There's even more discomfort at their destination - namely, the lack of one. Denhem finally admits their destination - an island that isn't on any known map. In fact, the only map that it can be found on is a map drawn by a native inhabitant that was swept out to sea. Denhem, to the growing unease of those with him, asks the Captain and Driscoll "Have you ever heard of... Kong?", describing it as a monstrous creature, one who's legend is clouded in fear and mystery.

However, their voyage continues. As does Jack Driscoll's continual insistence that women have no place onboard a ship. Of course, Jack becomes more and more attracted to Ann. Carl Denham takes note, and warns Jack that he has no room for any sort of love affair on his set - Jack quickly replies "Love affair! You think I'm gonn fall for any dame?" and goes on and on to assure Denham that he's a "tough guy." Denham replies (with clear foreshadowing), "...you're a pretty tough guy, but if Beauty gets you... It's the idea of my picture. The Beast was a tough guy too. He could lick the world. But when he saw Beauty, she got him. He went soft. He forgot his wisdom and the little fellas licked him. Think it over, Jack."

Soon enough, they're at Kong's island. They hear drums, and see a village perched upon a peninsula - and beyond the village, an enourmous wall that

The Screening Room

A
All About Eve (1950)
The Apartment (1960)

B
Bye, Bye Birdie (1963)

F
The Five Pennies (1959)
The Fountain (2006)

H
Hellboy (2004)

K
Keeping Mum (2005)
King Kong (1933)
Kinky Boots (2005)
Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

L
The Ladykillers (1955)
The Lavender Hill Mob (1951)
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003)
Love, Actually (2003)

M
Mr. and Mrs. Smith (1941)
Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)

O
Ocean's 11 (1960)
The Odd Couple (1968)

R
Rebecca (1940)

S
Speed Racer (2008)
Strangers on a Train (1951)

T
The Thin Man (1934)

U
Ushpizin (The Guests) (2004)

W
With Six You Get Eggroll (1968)

Hellboy (2004)

Give Evil Hell alt: From the Dark Side to Our Side Here to Protect

Directed by: Guillermo del Toro
Written by: Mike Mignolo (comic), Guillermo del Toro, Peter Briggs
Starring: Ron Perlman as Hellboy, Rupert Evans as John Myers, Selma Blair as Liz Sherman, Doug Jones as Abe Sapien, David Hyde Pierce as Abe Sapien (voice), and Karel Rodin as Rasputin
Music by: Marco Beltrami

Hellboy = fun fun times.

Dang, I sure liked this movie. It has it's problems, to be sure, but as a whole it just flat out rocks.

For the un-educated, "Hellboy" is an adaptation of the splendid comic book series by the incredibly gifted Mike Mignola. Hellboy himself (Or "Red," "Big Red," or "HB" as he's called by his friends in the film) is a fireproof 7 foot tall red guy with a right hand made of rock, two horns (filed down so he looks more "human"), a tail, a big honkin' gun called "The Samaritan," and a crush on pyrokinetic Liz Sherman. (When her emotions get out of control she bursts into flame, torching everything around her.) Along with Liz, Hellboy is joined by Abe Sapien (A telepathic merman), Professor Broom (His father figure who "raised" him, and also head of the Department of Paranormal Research and Defense), and special agent John Meyers - newly appointed to be Hellboy's "caretaker." All of these characters reside in the Department of Paranormal Research and Defense. When explaining what exactly this department does Prof Broom simply replies, "There are things that go 'bump' in the night agent Myers. We are the things that bump back."

And bump back indeed. Hellboy is a stinkin' fine film. The characters are vivid, the sets are breathtaking, the color palette strikingly artistic, and the direction spot on. It's a good film, one that is well worth catching at least once. Hellboy himself is probably the most fun action hero we've seen since Wolverine - his reservedly flippant demeanor while disposing of said things that go "bump" is repeatedly punctuated by understatements such as "ah, crap." He's fun, hilarious, dangerous, lovable, and sweet. The rest of the characters are just as solid, in particular the characters of Prof Broom, Liz Sherman, and the surprisingly disturbing and deadly Kroenen.

And yet, there's a great deal keeping it from pure greatness. While it has a nice solid run time of 132 minutes, the plot feels severely rushed - a biproduct of focusing so much on the characters. While it's nice (and I think a better choice) to have so much emphasis placed on the characters, the end result is that the plot gets pushed in around them, making the film feel crowded and "convenient" at times. A better choice may have been to scale back the plot a bit and take the "X-men" approach, focusing more on the characters in the first film and then have a huge scale plot in the second. Of course, they probably weren't sure if there'd even BE a second one, so it's hard to fault them for trying to fit everything in. It just seems that a significant amount of the film had been cut out, like we're missing some key points. While it's true that the plot is just as good (or bad) as 80% of the films released in a year, the incredible amount of quality and care shown in the rest of the film exposes the sketchiness of it's plot.

Likewise, the films bad guys - aside from Kroenen, who kicks inredibly large amounts of butt - were largely "blah" and could have been amped up a bit. Sammeal, the hydra-esque resurrecting hellhound, was also a bit overused. Though, to be fair, the film's small budget probably couldn't afford the CGI creation of multiple forms of baddies. Perhaps it's better that they just focused on this one, and made it look so darn good. (It's often near impossible to tell whether you're seeing CGI or practical costumes and effects.)

And again, the only reason these faults stand out so much is because everything else is spot on perfect. This film is gorgeous, and easily balances both insane amounts of fun and moments of true emotion and feeling. And it's good. Darn good. Don't let it's minor flaws dissuade you, this is a freakin' good film, and very much worth going to see. (5/5)

Oh, and the title music flat out rocks.

p.s. - for those concerned about going to see a movie with the word "hell" in the title... Don't worry about it. It's neither evil nor occultic, despite what you may automatically assume. If you're still not convinced, just take a look at Focus on the Family's review of the film right here.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

This Christmas the journey ends.
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Written by: J.R.R. Tolkien, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson
Starring: Elijah Wood as Frodo Baggins, Sean Astin as Samwise Gamgee, Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn, Ian McKellen as Gandalf the White, Dominic Monaghan as Merry, Billy Boyd as Pippin, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, John Rhys-Davies as Gimli, Andy Serkis as Gollum, Miranda Otto as Eowyn, Liv Tyler as Arwen, and David Wenham as Faramir
Music by: Howard Shore

Heck. Yeah.

Quite simply, one of the best movies ever. As in, of all freakin' time. In fact, I consider it to be the best film ever - again, as in of all freakin' time.

Seriously. This film took my jaded little heart and nice neat little "best films of all time list" and left it looking like Hiroshima after it had the nuke dropped on it - complete with little people searching through the rubble afterwards.

I have spent EVERY waking moment comparing it with every great movie I've ever seen, trying to find an area where it falls short, and I can't do it. I can't think of a single film that has a single moment better than this one. You will be blown away. People say that all the time about movies, but I mean you will be blown away. You will see things that you have never before seen on a film screen, and will most likely never see again. It is so good that you will be literally gasping for breath. I thought I had a fair idea of what Minas Tirith looked like. I thought I had a pretty good handle of how to picture The Battle for Pellanor Fields.

I had no freakin' idea.

I found myself at a loss for words, and so did everyone else who saw it. Yeah, you can throw around words like "phenomenal" and "perfect," but they just seem so hollow. You end up speaking in some kind of code, where you'll say,

"Oh man... that one part?"

"Oh yeah. Just wow, man. But that OTHER part?"

"Oh HECK YEAH. But oh man, that ONE part..."

- and of course this continues for forever, because you basically just keep going through every scene in the movie over and over and over again.

It's all here, guys. Yes, they did cut out the scene between Eowyn and Faramir in the house of healing, but you know what? I didn't miss it. And that's my favorite scene in the whole book. I was so looking forward to it, but when the time for it came... I didn't notice it missing, because everything else was just so perfect that I had totally forgotten about it. And it'll be on the extended edition, I'm sure, so I'm not really crying.

Oh yeah, speaking of Eowyn. My favorite scene of the movie belongs to her. She has one of the most iconic scenes of all time in this film, and when she says her famous line... I wanted to jump up in my seat and scream "oh HECK YEAH! YOU SHOW HIM!"

Those that have read the books know the part I'm talking about. And don't worry, it's done perfect - just like the rest of the film.

The Battle for Pellanor Fields = Perfect
Denethor = Perfect
Shelob = Perfect - TOO perfect *shudder*
Paths of the Dead = Perfect
Every Single Moment = Perfect

And in the end, that's what this film is. Perfect. All other films just kinda... die. Like, I couldn't care about them. This film has everything, and it does everything perfect. It's so good that writing this review is proving to be impossible, because I keep struggling with trying to explain to you guys just how good this film is. I can't do it. Words fail me. I had incredibly high expectations, impossibly high expectations and they were shattered. This film was beyond anything I'd ever even dreamed of. With both "Fellowship" and "Two Towers" I found things to quibble about. I loved the movies, but they weren't perfect. This film is perfect.

I've never seen a film like this. Ever. (5/5)